Life Changes and That's OK

Back in my single years, I felt like I could do it all with out even breaking a sweat. I worked full time, went to school full time, had six projects going, etc, and felt like I could do more. I would re-do furniture, make holiday crafts for the whole family, cook for my single's gang every Sunday, throw parties for all occasions, bake cookies for the neighbors, babysit my friends kids fulfil my church callings to the fullest and the list goes on. Oh.., and my house was also spotless. I was wonder women. There wasn't anything I wasn't willing to tackle because I seriously felt like I could do it all. I rocked and I felt like that.

When I got married I began to feel the 'I can do it all' mentality start to disappear. It was still there.., but I was slowing loosing it. Part of it was simply because I didn't have a desire to do some of my previous activities.., but some of it was also because taking on the role of wife took it's toll. I still tried to do most things but then would get frustrated for allowing dishes to be left in the sink or a bed to be left unmade. This was some thing I did to myself. My cute husband constantly reassured me that a 'good wife' doesn't do it all and that I was way too hard on myself.

Once Mason came in to my life.., everything and anything I felt like I did well or some what held together was out the window. Finding the balance in motherhood did not come easy for me and in fact it's something I'm still working on. I was not the mother I had pictured in my head. The one with the clean house and baked pies and who smiled all the time.

I felt.., and still feel for the most part.., that there's very little I hold together or am able to keep up on. I make valiant efforts.., but most days there's half my 'to do' list still unchecked. For me.., I've had to redefine my idea of motherhood and wife hood for that matter and that's been an on going crusade for me. I sweep our floors 3 times a week and wash them once a week and they are always filthy! I've realized though, that I'd rather sit on my filthy floors and play with my son then keep them spotless. I'd also rather lay on the couch with my husband after a long work day and talk then keep my floors spotless. I can't do more than I am already doing in that area.., if the floors are filthy..., it's not because I haven't tried to keep them clean and I'm not willing to give up more of my family time to assure they are always spotless. It's been hard for me to let go of my old reality. The reality where everything is always clean and everything is always in it's place..., but it's slowly happening..,and thankfully so for my sanity's sake.

My new reality is simply this, most things are clean, but if they're not.., we'll eventually get to it..., and everything does have a place, but they don't always end up in that place and that's okay. Though at times a struggle, I'm learning to embrace this new reality. Occasionally, I do slip back into the old reality of 'I can do it all' mentality. I put such high expectations on myself and the fact of the matter is.., no ones expects half as much as i do. Why are we always the hardest on ourselves? What I've realized is, there's no mom that can do it all and those who look like they are, are just faking it very well. Life is about family. If I blow off a work thing to spend time with my husband or take a walk with Mason while I'm suppose to be vacuuming, it's okay.

I've also learned that you need to embrace the days where you do 'do it all' and celebrate those. Saturday for me was hands down, an I-rock-as-a-mom-and-wife kind of day. Dan was out of town hunting with the boys. Mason and I started off early with making and canning salsa, applesauce (it's so YUMMY!) and a few more jars of tomatoes. We did this all by ourselves. During Mason's nap, I cleaned the house from top to bottom, the dishes were done, the laundry was not only done, but also folded and actually put away, fresh veggies were picked from the garden, the rest of the Halloween decorations were put out.., and all this was done before 3pm when we left for Mason's hair cutting appointment. I went shopping with my niece for our little baby girl and then back to the house to make dinner for the boy, bathe him and place him down for the night. I sat in our front room looking around, feeling tired, and thinking, I ROCK! This is NOT a thought that crossing my mind most days like it did when I was single. It was a good feeling.

I know days like these are few and far between and that's okay..., because I would trade my old reality and the 'I could do it all' days..., any time for my dirty floor, sexy husband and amazing son. It is nice to know that I still have it...., at least for a day anyway.